As if divorce isn’t hard enough, throw in kids in the mix is like a death in the family with Dennis the Menace attending the funeral.  There is just nothing easy about it.

Most of us divorce parents have been through some sort of parenting class giving us the Do’s and Don’ts with the children involved but usually the timing is wrong and you find yourself sitting in a class filled with hatred and your plotting the plans to spoil the future or current relationship for the ex.  The information they provide you in class is the usual routine. They provide good co-parenting tips however what you take from the class is a different story.

So this begins my article, dealing with the emotions of divorce and handling it with the “Best Interest of the Children in mind”.

“I wonder what they are doing today.” I know that when you go through a divorce no matter the situation, your mind is always wondering what the other person is doing.  This habit is fairly easy to break with a little help. Here are some tips that may help:

In a divorce case nothing out beats seeing the other person happy, even if you have to fake it.  Take a few moments write down your dreams that you had when you were little and if you are one of those people that dreamed of marriage, put a check mark by that one as done that.

The best way to find happiest again is by finding yourself again.  Reach for the impossible and focus on that dream.  There’s no need to brag about it. Each time you see them you don’t have to mention how wonderful you are doing, that is what friends and children are great for.  People including children love to brag about good things that happen in their life and they love to brag about a bad situation turning out well.  By you staying happy, it creates happiness in the home creating less stress in the house.

If finding yourself doesn’t work and to keep your mind off “I wonder what they are doing today”, ask yourself why you got a divorce to begin with.  Then ask yourself, “If I am this miserable was it worth the divorce to begin with”. When you start feeling that emptiness inside, say out loud “Damn it, I am tired of cleaning up after you, I am sick of your excused and if you want a beer, get up and get it yourself”.  Debating with yourself or reminding yourself of the fights, creates the environment you felt before the divorce thus provides you the strength to fight the emotions and sets the tone for: “You are not worth my time and who cares about what you are doing”.

The reason to eliminate that repetitive wondering of the other person is for two reasons: one being your own sanity and the second reason is so you can spend quality time with the children concentrating on their needs and the fun you are having together.  Remember divorce affects them too.

Going through the emotions of divorce is difficult on everyone involved. If you believe that talking with the other person is difficult; stick with professional email communication until you are able to control your emotions and have the ability to speak to the other in a professional business manner.  Always be polite and respective to each other. Remember that you are doing this because you recognize and respect the ex as the children (s) parent.

Good luck with your battle, but know that you are not alone.


Miss C

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