Focusing on “the children”… can we help them!

Please take a moment and read my story, only you can make a difference with a little change that would affect the thousands just like me.

The hardest thing to hear people talk about is why would a child do such an evil thing, what would possess them to kill other children at school.  What happened to that man that made him into this horrific serial killer?  Where are the parents that would allow their children to destroy other people’s property?  Why don’t children have respect or why are they emotionless to their own conscience that tells them right from wrong?  The answer, we created this situation.

In the past year and half I have been trying to fight for my children, over $90,000 dollar later, and more than a half dozen calls made to DFS by the hospital and counselors office; I still find myself in the same situation I was a year and half ago.  As if divorce isn’t bad enough on children, throw in a few situations that most children do not deserve.

A year and half ago started a nightmare for us with the boys who are now six and nine; returning home with minor scratches and bruises with stories that never seem to add up.  The six year had scratches covering his neck, ear and cheek that told a long story about how bee’s come up from the ground and stung him in neck.  My ex-husband claimed the six year was stung by bees as well.  Then it was four inch long, one inch wide bruises on the arm and one on his rib cage.  That is when the boys started saying we have secrets and we can’t tell you.   The boys began the pattern of odd behavior every time they would return from their dad’s house.  They would run off and hide, being curled up in fetal position. They would no longer talk about their visits with their dad.

The starting of the school year, my nine year wrote on paper at school that he was going to make a gun and kill everyone in the lunch room.  He drew in great detail in how he was going to kill the children and where at. My ex-husband did not see any harm in this and blamed me for putting the kids through emotional stress because I was jealous of his new relationship.  However I felt differently about that situation. I considered this a cry out for help that was our first visit to Two Rivers hospital.  My son disclosed that he had secrets in which he could not tell.  They sent him home with ADHD and depression medicine.

It wasn’t a month later when my nine year old aggressively got worse.  He would hide anytime he saw a person or car.  If another child came near him, he was scared to death like he saw a snake.  I could not take him to store or gas station without him having a complete melt down.  At home he was curled up in fetal position, hiding and would not talk. He would lay out cards into words as a way to communicate to me.  He had to create hand signals for a while for us to communicate.  When he drew pictures of two little boys having oral sex, a picture of a broken open skull and hammer and a sign saying “Kill Me”; this caused our second trip to the hospital.  His dad did not come up to hospital when I told him we were there. He showed up for 30 minutes for a visitation schedule during his entire week stay.

In the hospital the child revealed that oral sex had happened to him but the place he claimed it happen did not make any sense.  He spoke of people coming after him and how they would kidnap him and kill him if he talked about it.

The doctors felt the best course of treatment was to put him on Abilify, depression medicine and ADHD medicine; which with the medicine he was prescribed I saw an immediate change in my son.  He was able to control himself better and was able to at least walk in a store without a melt down.  However my ex-husband did not feel the same.  He did not want his son on the medicine.  He made his nine year son watch a video about his medicine showing him it would kill him; then he would apologize to his son for making him take medicine that would kill him.

We started counseling at CAPA (Child Abuse Prevention Association); I have to give thanks to that organization because they have helped us.  I will never forget our first visit; my nine year gave the counselor a fifteen questionnaire quiz and told him that if he did not take the quiz then he could not talk to him.  My son told us it was to ensure he could trust him.  After a year of counseling the boys started opening up a little bit to the counselor.  Boys spoke of being forced to go into a dark room, looking at porn magazines in their dad’s bathroom and with a twelve year old.  The boys spoke of a twelve year telling them that ‘if it gets hard you have to hump someone or still your finger inside it to make it go down’.  The boys spoke of their dad coming home drunk from the bar, waking them up in the middle of the night and yelling at them thus running out of hiding places when their dad gets angry.  The five year old told the counselor that his dad’s new wife was hitting him with a belt.  The boys talked about their new step sister having bed wetting problems and would often wet the bed.  When my ex-husband was asked about this, he claim it was just a hereditary thing and she did not need to go to the doctor.

Every other week both children have had emotional melt downs when returning from home after a weekend with their dad and they would lash out by throwing objects, kicking, hitting, crying and hiding.  Every other week I have to try and get two boys to school as they are kicking and hitting me; even as we are walking into the school.

The counselor has filed over five reports the past year with DFS regarding discussions the boys, all reports were closed because the boys would not disclose anything to the DFS worker.  DFS told me that I need to take my kids to counseling and when I told them that we are in counseling they tried to get me to take my kids to another counseling center.  DFS told me that they don’t take kids away, they only provide counseling.

On one DFS report, the worker reported that he did not see a mark on the children however the police report not 24 hours prior had photographed and documented scratches on the five years neck, face and ear.  In one incident my nine year old came home with first degree burn covering his face, arms, legs and chest and in front of five people told us that his dad made him take a boiling hot bath.  Not one witness was called; however my ex-husband’s mother that lives six and half hours away and only see the kids once a year was called for his defense.

If we are teaching our children not to talk to strangers and they are already scared about the trouble they will get into for talking; why do we expect a child to tell their story with someone they just meet?

I hired an attorney and tried to get custody of the boys, first day we had trial, the judge made an opening comment about how he hated mothers that filed against fathers.  Because of the judge refusing to allow me to testify and submit my evidence to the court, the attorneys advised me that my best option was to settle.  I did a settlement agreement only for my ex-husband to walk all over the settlement agreement and ignoring what we agreed to do would be contempt of court.

I can’t afford to pay my attorney any money to file a contempt motion; I make just a little over the bar to qualify for services.  I am paying out $800 a month on prescriptions for my children.  My ex-husband is behind on child support, reimbursement of medical expense and won’t provide me with access to their medical coverage.  But that is not the least of my worries.  The worry is, the failure to provide the children with their medicine, them coming home with bacterial infections due to lack of bathing and clothes changing, my son soiling himself  and another child in the house of my ex-husband having bed wetting problems.

My concern is if my ex-husband drives the children after he has been drinking or if his drinking getting gets out of control what could happen to our children.  My ex-husband tries to take them out of counseling and continuance of neglect and abuse.  The weekly struggles of just trying to get two children up and ready for school as they fight you because they’ve been told by their father that you live in Misery and I live in God Country and you wouldn’t have to go to school if you lived with me.

So what do parents like me have to do to protect the kids?  Attorneys want money and DFS wants the kids to freely talk to them even though there are issues of kids going through emotional melt downs and are scared to talk.  How is this fair to children?  If children can’t see court orders mean business and they have to be followed; what example are we showing them?  Go back and read some of the statements serial killers make, some of them are not because of physical abuse they endured, they suffered mental abuse time after time when no one would stand up for them and saying enough.

The children that are criminals at young ages are because they are trying to fill that emptiness inside, they are looking for that acceptance, the love and emotion that says we love you and accept you know matter what has happened to you.  Is it easier to allow children to go through life with neglect and abuse hoping they turn out okay and if they don’t will our tax money will pay for their jail time?  Why is it that DFS can’t take action when there are numerous complaint calls from hospitals, counselors, doctors and school?

Just for today, you be that parent that has to take your child to school knowing he just threatened the lives of other children.  You be that parent knowing your child got into trouble for inappropriate touching another child at school.  You be that parent that does not have the money to go to court and can’t be helped by DFS. You be that parent that has to deal with children that have medically proven “mental breakdowns” every time they return from their father’s home.  Now, what would you do?  Would you eventually kidnap your own child to keep them away from those who are damaging them mentally and physically?  What would you do when the people that can help turn their back on you time and time again?  What options do we have has parents to protect our kids? Where do we turn next? How can we see justice? Who really cries for the misunderstood and neglected child? How can we help the children and turn these precious babies into loving caring human beings once again? How long do children have to be destroyed through the neglect of the adults? Who has the answers?


If you have been through similar experiences, please let us know. Maybe how you cope with the everyday problems may save the life of a child! There’s got to be hope so share your stories with us!

Thanks for reading this article. We hope that someone out there can help these children. Children need love and guidance to grow into stable young adults. Will you help us!

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